dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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