i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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