i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize