I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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