Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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