There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize