My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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