Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
