if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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