Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
