We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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