Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
