I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
