The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
