im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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