Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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