i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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