worst night to have a conscience
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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