if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
