I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This baby is an asshole
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
