no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
