Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
