I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
