drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
