wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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