she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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