Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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