I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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