DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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