I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's JV to your varsity
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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