Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
