Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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