It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
