One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
