I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
