I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
