Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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