so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
