I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
NoShamevember. You game?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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