im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize