Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize