Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
