a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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