Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
