he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
