That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
