would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
