Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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