That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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