Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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