they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
