Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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