It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
