the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
