i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
