i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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