i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
