She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
