Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
we're so committed to being not committed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
