Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I understand Curling. That high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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