there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I didn't notice because vodka
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
