So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
