Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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