from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
