so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
