Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Blood and glitter go together right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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