break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
