I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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