Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
