Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
