Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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