So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
